NFR 2000             SECOND PERFORMANCE

The PEN:  B (BAD) TEAM

All Pro Defensive Unit

Formerly known as the BIG E’s… the BIG  Eliminators.    Maybe this year most of them are only LITTLE Big E’s.

All of these bulls buck hard… and will stamp your envelope unless you’re on a destroyer.  There are a few big time buckers in this group.   BMF’s as we sometimes call them.

For a bull rider tonight would be something like having your wisdom teeth out, a vasectomy, and hemorrhoid operation all in one night.   These suckers will jerk your wisdom teeth out through your butt.   Be brushin your tooth with PREPERATION  H.

Tyler Fowler          78   Tuff E Nuff          Guildry/Nelson

Last year this bull was one of the most feared… then he turned back at the PBR finals and was just a good bucking bull… then Mike White rode him at the NFR… just circled.   This bull tries hard and doesn’t weaken.   Kinda like Tyler and George W Bush.   Bet there wasn’t a recount in Alabama.    It was a BODY count.   They shot anyone who voted for Gore.  Guess you could hold the bodies up to the light and look for dimples and chads… or shads… or whatever the call them.   One of the most difficult bulls in this pen but Tyler is something special.

You know… every bull rider here should take time to walk through the bull pens…. probably can’t now… they start working stock in mid morning.   Guys who make their livings riding bulls often only get to see them bucking or see their heads and backs… getting on them or from the fence.   But to see them at their leisure… when they aren’t all jacked up with adrenaline—I think then you REALLY get to see them.

For one thing they look different size wise.  Second…. if you look at their bodies you can sometimes see why they have to buck like they do and it may give to a hint on how to ride them. But the thing I look for is personality.  There are so many different personalities… some pissed to be here… some just happy to be warm and full for a change… some alone and unsure of themselves…. some are trying

to see their brand—can’t figure out who owns them THIS week…. some just plane spooky …. some will put their butts to the back panel and watch every move…. others are non chalant… and even others will tell you to get the hell out of here. 

Zandy sleeps…. snores even.  Western Way bugs out his little crossed eyes and invites you to start something.   Kish’s bulls? (it’s hard to tell—to  wonder you have to have a functioning brain).  There’s so many screws loose in his pen that he could open a hardware store. 

Bulls from the herds that go to lots of rodeos or bull ridings--most of them aren’t fazed much.  Younger bulls or bulls from far off, rural  places where they haven’t had exposure to other herds… they look like they ought to have their picture on milk cartons.   Lost.

BUT…  there are also a couple of PETS.   Never guess who they are.  

One is PLAYMATE.   Walks right over to me… I figure he’s gonna bitch about being left out of so many short go’s this year… or whine about how weak-hearted the bull jumper offers are in the land of fruits and nuts…. Nope… no hard feelings…“Scratch my back there buddy. Oh… yeah… a little to the right, there buddy.  Harder … I’m a bull.   Thanks, Buddy… appreciate it.   What are you doing tomorrow?” He woulda stood there all afternoon.  Here’s one of the most hated bulls in pro rodeo…(even though I can’t remember him ever hurting anyone bad or on purpose ) … MATE’S a good guy.  Yeah… he’s a bull… he has his job to do…. but he’s at least professional about it.  

And then there was TUFF ENUF.   Like a lot of other guys I cussed him… sure, he always bucks hard but he’s not very smooth.  Really only seen him buck here and on telecasts.   I walk past his pen (an acre) …. he and his buddy’s have been smoking pot… listenin to 70’s psychedelic tunes (probably doing LSD, too)… kicked back laying in more grass than is in the entire state of Wyoming this year… but he gets up… stretches… yawns a couple of times… walks over… and lays his head on the panel rail right below my hand.   And it’s a big danged head. BIIIIIGGGGGGG Noggin. “Hey director Dude… how about a scratch?  Head first… ahhh … yeah… now the ears”  ….  Fifteen minutes later I’ve done his neck and am working on his hump.  You better pack a lunch if you’re planning to scratch Tuff Enuf….. he is one HUGE bull.  Huge and not an ounce of fat on him.   He’s a frickin BUILDING.   Wouldn’t hurt to run him through a car wash once in a while.  Boy needs a bath.  Every time I’d quit he acted like a cat that craves pettin…. “Come on Buddy…. just a few more minutes…. I itch… danged chiggers…. oh yeah… that feels good… far out… got any Grateful Dead 8 tracks on ya…. wish Jim Morrison rode bulls…  I coulda related to that dude…. can’t stand that country *hit.  Sorry I cursed there, man.  Being around stock contractors all year it’s hard to keep from it.   Let me turn around here (looks like the Love Boat trying to maneuver ) …ahhhh… okay…. this time let’s start at the back and go forward… HEY… not that far back… what are you a homo?”

 So mom, all I want for Christmas is Tuff Enuf…. I promise to feed him… take him outside to poop…. pet him every day… he won’t shed, mom….no mom, he isn’t part Collie…. I promise, mom… I PROOOOM…ise.   I KNOW he won’t fit in the sock and Santa can’t get him down the chimney… you wouldn’t even have to wrap him, mommie.  

Goodnight, mom.   Love you Mommie. ”

“Oh mom????  Don’t you think he’ll need a friend to keep him company?”

“Put down that gun, lady”.

Shane Drury         A13    Trick or Treat      Western

Not a bad draw for this pen.   This is Shane’s first NFR and Trick’s last.  One’s a rising star and the other is a past great.    Can only remember one time when this bull didn’t buck (think he was hurt)… he was a warrior when BRO started… he was a warrior when PBR started… he was the first high selling bull ($25,000?) and it sparked the bucking bull used car lots business.   Think you can get screwed at a used car lot?— you ain’t seen nothing yet.   He’s shifted back and forth between the A Team and the Big E’s over the years… but wherever you put him you could be sure that while you had absolutely NO IDEA what kinda trip he’d have… he’d always buck hard.    I’d have to think that Shane will ride him.

Jesse Bail           19   Bedrock                       Kesler

This brindle won the best running goat award at the 1999 NFR.   Embarrassing.   Mike White was going so fast he got a speeding ticket.   So fast you couldn’t read that DEWALT billboard he was wearing.  Looked like a streaking bumble bee.  One of those “Within the Herd” replacements.  Supposed to be a different bull this year… no longer a gourd popper … more of a linebacker (Canadian League)…. looked okay on TV at Cody Snyder’s bull bustin’… and I think Rob Bell placed on him at the Canadian Finals.   Not sure he fits this pen but it was the only place I could put him where a guy could place.  

The Keslers have some outstanding young bulls coming up but Cody and Canadian Bull Riding Director Austin Beasley said this bull is solid.   Looked to me like he might not stay hooked on the telecast.   Ah… I’m being too hard on BED… they don’t ride him much…. the judges 22 him a lot  (which doesn’t mean much anymore).   In a pen where all you have to do in order to get a check is stay on  -- he’s a good draw for a good guy.   Bail is having such a good time at the NFR that he’ll have to have somebody tell him how good it was.

Danell Tipton              76   Red Crusher           Flying U/Rosser  

This might be the go round…. this bull just bucks hard.  He was scheduled to go to the 1999 NFR but got quarantined (or kidnapped ) in Idaho.    ALL partnerships are like SOME marriages…. difficult at best.   Prior to that Crusher was a linebacker type… got in the air…. good bull.   Now all of a sudden he has the rep of being Freddie Kruger.   I suppose some guys with pockets on their chaps in the land of fruits and nuts… did the Californio Nod and Jump dive and belly-flopped. 

Dan Wolfe                70   Malpractice              Guidry

Another Berger bull… MALPRA has been around a long danged time… and I don’t remember ever seeing him get ridden. Really not sure why, either.  Not that impressive to watch—just a grinder.  Daniel gets along better with out of line bulls than most guys… plus they seem to buck better with him.   And we can’t forget Vernon  Guidry… 1997, 1998, 1999 Line Dancing champion of both Louisiana and Texas.   Has more colorful shirts than Garth Brooks.   Flunked geography in high school.   He must have—he tried to haul from New Orleans to Greeley overnight.  Rockin’ Wolfe likes to be the first to do anything.

Rob Bell             105  Wedgehead                  Beutler/Gaylord

Can’t at the moment remember which hand Rob rides with… away from a guy’s hand and if this bull bucks his best—it ‘s not a promising investment.  Into your hand —it’s okay (not fun but okay).   Real strong…. heavy…. like having the flu.   Big bug, though.    Secret agents (JADE) said he was REAAAL SLOOOWWWW at OKC…. but this bull has been solid here in recent years.   I think Benny was 19 the first time WEDGE came here.  Wardrobe hasn’t changed. 

How about Smitts and Bullgardiner?  … Very Good… Roger Ebert says “Thumbs Up”

Fred Boettcher              142   Voo Doo             Bailey

This bull bucked Danell off in the short go at KC.   They don’t ride him … but he gets turned out a lot. I’m thinking that Fred being long armed and long legged probably helps on this bull.    Mr. Bailey owns sale barns.    The HMO’s of agriculture.   Lawyers, used car salesmen, sale barn owners…. if you had a double barreled shot gun—hard to pick the two you’d blast.  Circuit Bull Riding Director Lonnie Carpenter recently graduated from Mr. Bailey’s “How to win friends and influence people” seminar.    Voo Doo and his bull buddies woulda got to watch the NFR on TV but I ran out of eraser.  Yeah… had one of them free sale barn pencils.  

Gregory Potter             CL   Clayton’s Pet      Guidry/NELSON

This is one of those BMF bulls.  Don’t get it confused with BLT’s.  Some waitress will slap you up along side yo head.  Certainly not unrideable but he bucks hard… every time—and every second.   Real athletic.  With these judges—this will be first place and Greg kinda fits him (whatever that means)… Greg rides hard every time… and every second.   You have to on Clayton… he never weakens.  

Philip Elkins             G21   Dodge Durango      Mesquite

Rankest bull in rodeo.  PERIOD.   Think he’s got nearly a $50,000 bounty if you can ride him in his home arena (Mesquite).   The hardest part might be drawing him.  No…the hardest part… is climbing up on the chutes…. not to imply that the contestants are young but the chutes are coated with Clearasil.  Pimple excrement all over the front slides.  Gross.   Cody Custer won a round on him here last year (no bounty).   Philip’s talented enough to ride him you just have to hope you catch this bull on an off day.

Kagan Sirett                 K78  Skoal’s Unforgiven        Big Bend

Hope Kagan can stop jumping up and down long enough to get on this great bull.   Unforgiven bull WILL bring the house down…. get’s in the air…. REALLY gets in the air.   Most likely will go straight away and turn back at the end but in the short go at the Cow Palace the bull fighter caught him right there and he turned back and bucked with Corey Navarre.  He coulda been 98-99-100.   Judd Paul Leffew also had him at the Cow Palace and he went straight way.  Rode him 7.999999999999999999999999 and the judges said he’d been in the 90’s too.   This bull just bucks and Kagan Sirett can RIDE… world champion type RIDE.

Lee Akin              112   Red Alert                  Wall

Perseverance prevailed.  Terry Wall hauled this bull clear to Albuquerque for one out… (got Jason McClain)… to Waco  (Mike Moore)… I’m thinking he mighta got Lee at the Mesquite Tour Summer Spectacular Copenhagen CUP Wrangler …  Oh….you know?   that deal they had in Mesquite in October that no one came to.  Great facility… great rodeo…. tough market (Dallas).   Attendance actually wasn’t bad the second perf and good the third… it was raining… it was high school football season… lots of stuff working against it.  

The thing is—the PRCA HAD IT.    Lots of people got paid lots of US dollars because of it (heard that the two Tours brought in 2 million NEW dollars which mostly went to stock contractors and contestants.  Okay… the Commissioner made me say it.    But then I don’t know whether to believe a guy who in his first year took the plaza seats away from the event reps (now they’re so high up they come with complementary pigeon poop)… said “he’d take care of it”… then this year… never said a word… but you get to the ticket gate… open your little official PRCA envelope and guess what?… unless your mom wants to sit on your dad’s lap…. you are one ticket shy of having two.  Sorry about that plane ticket Mum.  

I’m going to deduct $29 for 10 nights off that 2 million.   Shouldn’t really gripe though.  If you are a new contractor (came in--in the last 10 year)—you really ARE screwed.  Without access to tickets for your rodeo committees—you’ll have no rodeos.   The Commissioner used to produce the Orange Bowl.  Can you imagine the ticket headaches associated with that?   This guy’s worth more than you pay him.  He has renewed the sponsor contracts… had something like 40 telecasts (including reruns)….  got a business journal going… changed the PSN….. you know… lots of stuff that REALLY matters.   Just don’t ever leave your NFR tickets laying around.   

Back to the bull…. didn’t get to see much of this bull at the Mesquite Tour deal and he made short work of everyone who got on him this year.    Watching the telecast though—you could tell that this bull bucks hard.  Terry took him to Athens in order to let the guys see him one more time.  Not sure of his pattern but the judges told me he bucked hard… 3-4 and to the … I’m thinking they said “right”.   Said he’s not an E at all but because we can’t be sure of his pattern (unless we’re stupid enough to listen to judges) we put him here – just in case.   A whistle in this pen should be a check.   Think they were “B” judges at Athens anyway. 

Tsk Tsk… “B” judges…. does that mean that Athens was a  “B” rodeo?    If so don’t tell them.  Tell them and you won’t need to classify judges—you won’t have any rodeos to judge.   After last night I’d have to bet on Lee.

Josh O’Byrne                 +100  Playmate            Western

Just another day in Paradise, huh, Josh?   For years Playturd has been one of the biggest doo’s in the land of DOO DOO.   They changed deliveries on him this year and he’s been more of a bucking bull (slightly).   Been the best bull a couple times at the Dodge National Circuit Finals (stock contractors vote there)—but he HAS really bucked there.   It all depends which hand you run down…. I’m thinking righties have NO chance is he has his big ROLL right out of there.   Not a dangerous beast … just an 1,800 pound boil on your butt.

Robey Condra                  -08   Riptide               Beutler/Gaylord

Doubt that Ed Gaylord is proud to have his name associated with this bull.  At one time he was one of the baddest in all the land…. but he got turned out so much and didn’t have to try most of the times they DID get on him… and now he’s borderline whether he needs to even be here (if you need a ticket Rip the Commissioner has one of MINE. )   Sorry… I been drinkin’ .    Wish I was hanging out with TUFF ENUF and his buddies.   They got some good *hit, man.

(back to Robey)…. anyway this bull has pretty much been “just a bull” at the NFR… really not a bad draw in this pen .  Several guys who don’t ride 20% as good as these guys do—have been on him this year and really tried.   Bull riding is 90% try and 10% mental illness… or vice versa.

Cory Check                       99  Nine O                Guidry/NELSON

This bull can have different days but he always tries to buck a guy off.   Coulda been in the linebackers pen but I ran short of porta potties.  Don’t know that Cory has seen this bull but not much fazes this guy.   Check is a newlywed.   In Wisconsin there are really only four things a young man must learn to do.   Shovel snow…. learn how to polka….curl…. and dupe some poor unsuspecting maiden into marrying them.   After the honey moon the poor lady will be so tired from shoveling snow that she won’t feel like poka-ing and her little outlaw bull rider husband sure won’t be around to CURL up to either.

Cody Hancock               88   Color Me Bad         Double J

Might be triple J…  is this bull from Double J West or Double J Midwest?  Doesn’t matter… he bucks hard.   Mr. Jade (I long to be a biker) Robinson says he’s just a good bull.  When I saw him on a telecast in this very same arena he was a 24  … not a 24E either.   But then I only saw him briefly.    5 bulls (98…95…90 …87 (RR option—didn’t buck) … then lots of commercials.   Going live isn’t that good a deal if you’re sitting in the audience.   Too long and it’s hard to keep any momentum going.  Since I assume BAD  might come from Fred and Cory’s neck of the frozen woods, I also assume that they will trade bulls with Cody.   If he comes from Double J/West Cody will just have to mount up. 

Can you imagine what it musta felt like taking that victory lap?   Have the NFR as a goal ever since you were a kid… barely miss it last year… think you have it made this year then have to go like heck at the end…. come in 15th… draw the bull of the year… have to be first gunner…. and be 92.   Wow.

Rerides:   (not necessarily in order)

  … can’t remember um… I’ve been partaking of recreational beverages.

Think it’s 426 of MR’s ROBERT AND JOHNATON Barnes  ….. Brahmer… think Robey is the only guy to ride him this year  …. PIG in the chute… got Cody Custer at Spooner… first jump is the deal.

Maybe F6  Hard Copy of Harper/Morgan/Auger.  Probably seen his better years… hasn’t had two bucky days in this arena—usually bucks hard the first and J & K’s the second.   Real good bull, though.

Third?…. can’t remember.    They’ll all be out Monday night.

“Turn out the lights, okay Mom?   Think about that friend for Tuff Enuf, mom.   Then you wouldn’t have to worry when we had to leave them in the house. ”

“No mom, no more parakeets.”

“I DO NOT want another frickin Turtle!!!!”  

“OH.. Oh….”

call 911… call 911….